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Talk me out of killing these cats

  • Omar Little said...

    As for the OP, sounds like you should stop being such a pussy and talk to your wife.

    She's sick of it too. Just a bit less so than me. She actually has spent some money on "improved" cat boxes that rake themselves, etc. Nothing really works though, short of standing there all day long with a scoop and waiting for the turds to drop.

    The basic problem is simply that cats poo in the house, leaving a portion of it smelling vaguely like Center City (but with less garbage in the bouquet).

    I am considering training them to crap in the toilet, like any other respectable indoor-pooping mammal. The other option is sticking the box next to her home office, so it's far away from mine. Or, of course, cat murder -- which is still on the table. Per the OP, you guys are supposed to talk me out of bloodying my kitchen knives.

    mrjah

  • mrjah said...

    Per the OP, you guys are supposed to talk me out of bloodying my kitchen knives.

    You are suppose to turn to the board for emotional support after you have committed the dirty deed. That's what we are really here for.

    Speedy Turtle ●

  • Take them to a Vet and let him/her kill them. That's what I did twice.

    artielange

  • My wife (g/f at the time) and I were in an apartment about 8 years ago, and, since we were just out of college, poor and assuming we'd be in apartments for the next 20 years, we got a cat. We are dog people, always have been, and through most of my life up to that weak moment, I was very opposed to cats. I'm still not sure to this day why we got one, but we did. For the first six months or so, it was fine. It was playful, low maintenance and would curl up on the coach with you like a dog. Then, something clicked and that cat has been a demon since. I usually avoid even petting her when she sidles up purring because it's just a trick to ensnare your hand in a trap made of fur, claws and teeth. Trips to the vet are a show. First we need to trap her in a carrying case, which she's very wise to...when we arrive there, the vets have to gas her to get anything done. If not, the spawn of satan is revealed in a screeching/spitting/shitting (yes, shitting) fit of rage. Uh, on the bright side, her shit doesn't really stink. To the OP, maybe you should try a different food.

    Im ready for aa 5th of vodica to end my feels.

    JJBittenbinder

  • A) I feel your pain. I'm on the verge of kicking my girlfriend out because of her cats.

    B) You know what else has the personality of a dog and poops outside like god intended? A dog.

    C) I hate cats.

    LeafeeWolf

  • Yeah do they eat wet or dry food? Wet food cat shits are the grossest things ever - they have the consistency of a Snickers that was left in the sun all day and smell like people diarrhea after eating too much Qdoba. Dry food cat shits just like little pebbles that have no smell at all.

    CDeacMan

  • Just man up and shovel some shit. Everybody has to at some point.

    bkmalik ●

  • neal990 said...

    You know what is worse than a smelly litter box? The people with dogs who don't clean up their dog's shit out of their yard. I could see it if you live out in the sticks and have a gigantic yard where the dogs just pretty much run free. But if you're out in the suburb and you have your 1/2 acre backyard, how can you tolerate having dog shit all over the place?

    Because I don't hang out in my back yard very often? I'll do a mammoth job with the pooper scooper before having people over to grill out. But there's no way I'm following my dog around with a plastic baggie every time she wants to go outside.

    tent84

  • LeafeeWolf said...

    B) You know what else has the personality of a dog and poops outside like god intended? A dog.

    Amen to that. I grew up with dogs. If you're around enough to give them the attention they deserve, they are the best pets in the world.

    These cats get only dry food. There's no reason why cat food has to stink horribly on the way IN too. It's bad enough coming out the other end.

    These cats are shit-odor factories. Basically they are just friendly-but-evil machines that take a given mass of dry food as input, wait a while, and then crank out an equal mass of ghastly loaf.

    mrjah

  • mods, please merge with the "over masturbation" thread.

    This post was edited by OttoMaddox on 10/25/2011 at 11:47 AM

    attachment

    OttoMaddox

  • You should have sex with the cats. Not just a one time thing but develop a sensual sexual relationship with real emotions and trust between the three of you. Because once you've made love to another person/animal, they don't want to defecate in front of you anymore or will at least light a Yankee Candle now and again.

    That should buy you two more years or so until one of you get fat and don't understand how the relationship got so stale and predictable. At that point, murder (either you kill them or they kill you) is totally understandable.

    http://thehamsterdam.com/

    TheGrove

  • I'm about 65% sure that my cat would like to murder me but doesn't have the means.

    strOterp ●

  • Drive the cats far away and leave them in the woods or something, get home just before your wife does that day, "accidentally" leave the front/back door open, apologize and move on.

    I got the shotgun. You got the briefcase. It's all in the game though, right?

    Omar Little ●

  • Oh wait...I may have gotten it to work....

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by LeafeeWolf on 10/25/2011 at 12:20 PM

    attachment

    LeafeeWolf

  • A case for not killing the cats...

    Kitten allegedly killed in rage

    A single mother witnesses the senseless beating and killing of a kitten after she says her boyfriend boiled over in rage.

    www.wtkr.com

    terp80

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