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Talk me out of killing these cats

  • We have two cats. It was not my idea. Please talk me out of killing them.

    My wife got a cat ten years ago, which was about five years before I met her. She had a shitty friend who adopted its cat-brother, and who then made up some BS excuse about "not being able" to care for it. Actually, taken literally that might have been true. So instead of seeing it injected with poison and killed, my then-future-wife adopted the cat-brother. Now she had two cats, which for a single woman in her twenties is borderline crazy-cat-lady territory. I married her anyway (shut up). For years, her cats have been OUR cats.

    So, the thing is, cats shit in a box in the house. IN THE HOUSE. I went into this with eyes open, so I can't feign ignorance. I can, however, complain endlessly.

    There is no keeping up with these poop factories. They leave it uncovered for some godforsaken reason. There is nowhere in the house where the box can be placed such that the stink doesn't seep into other rooms. The basement has finished space these days, so even putting the box down there is no help. My wife, go-getter that she is, has tried basically everything to cut down on the effects of the cat crap. But the fundamental problem is, they cut their turds within the confines of the house instead of, I dunno, crapping in some cat equivalent of the Space Shuttle toilet. I'm goddamned sick and tired of cleaning animal shit out of a box every single day, just to keep some section of the house from smelling like Philadelphia.

    There is only one reason why these cats are still here: both of them have the personalities and dispositions of dogs. They don't do the normal I'm-a-pointless-cat-and-fuck-you thing. So they're actually worth having around... except for this poop-box thing which is rapidly raising my felicidal ire.

    Rather than dressing up as a pound employee for Halloween and injecting them with poison, I'm trying to not murder them. Advice is most welcome.

    This post was edited by mrjah on 10/24/2011 at 7:41 PM

    mrjah

  • attachment

    HoopheadVII: "Guess you won't say, "Sorry I'm a little off today" anytime again soon; Eaglesception is a bitch"

    EaglesLegendz ●

  • Training....video not for those with weak stomachs.....

    Play

    Cat using toilet & toilet paper

    cat using toilet paper

    http://www.youtube.com/v/zQbHS4YJOMc

    eazyasacb

  • http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/letschopcats2.gif

    This post was edited by MadMax901 on 10/24/2011 at 7:48 PM

    attachment

    So I respond "Tell you what, I'll read Dreams of My Father if you read MEIN KAMPF"

    MadMax901

  • http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php

    PantsEnFuego

  • Done and done.

    CatGenie 120 Cat Litter Box - Self Cleaning Litter Box and Automatic Litter Box from petco.com

    CatGenie 120 Cat Litter Box - Self Cleaning Litter Box and Automatic Litter Box from petco.com. The world's only self-flushing, self-washing automatic litter box. The CatGenie self cleaning litter box is more than a cat toilet, it's a modern appliance.

    www.petco.com

    Justerp ●

  • Justerp said...

    Done and done.

    $270 would buy a lot of poison.

    mrjah

  • "Kat" (cat) pole dancing... Fully Nude!

    Despite the suggestive yet totally relevant tags, this is mostly SFW. Some people take pictures of themselves with their cats (and publish books ab...

    www.youtube.com

    letsgoterps

  • My mom ran over one of our cats while backing the car out of the garage, then went to work and left it to die by the garbage can. How do I know this? I was in the car.

    You can do this.

    Hey JMU6375 ●

  • I never understood why anyone would want a cat or a dog as a pet. Just get rid of it somehow. Can't you just drop it off on the side of the road?

    TERPfromHOCO ●

  • TERPfromHOCO said...

    I never understood why anyone would want a cat or a dog as a pet. Just get rid of it somehow. Can't you just drop it off on the side of the road?

    Dogs are awesome.
    Cats suck.

    Hope that helped.

    parlay ●

  • Adopt an adult German Shepard, if it does not kill the cats, it might eat their poop.

    hokthu

  • Hey! JMU! said...

    My mom ran over one of our cats while backing the car out of the garage, then went to work and left it to die by the garbage can. How do I know this? I was in the car.

    You can do this.

    I know a certain guy that was working for a swimming pool supply company one summer, that had the contract for all those crappy ghetto summer pools in PG County. He and his driver were sitting in the cab of their truck one really rainy day in Lakeland, smoking dope and getting pretty fucked up, when this old lady comes running up to them screaming that she'd run over a bunch of kittens. The two guys look at each other and go "Ohh, fuck," and get out and finish off the little mashed up kittens that the old lady hadn't quite killed.

    True story. I KNOW it's a true story. :(

    SATerp

  • SATerp said...

    I know a certain guy that was working for a swimming pool supply company one summer, that had the contract for all those crappy ghetto summer pools in PG County. He and his driver were sitting in the cab of their truck one really rainy day in Lakeland, smoking dope and getting pretty fucked up, when this old lady comes running up to them screaming that she'd run over a bunch of kittens. The two guys look at each other and go "Ohh, fuck," and get out and finish off the little mashed up kittens that the old lady hadn't quite killed.

    True story. I KNOW it's a true story. :(

    sick That's disturbing.

    hokthu

  • mrjah said...

    We have two cats. It was not my idea. Please talk me out of killing them.

    My wife got a cat ten years ago, which was about five years before I met her. She had a shitty friend who adopted its cat-brother, and who then made up some BS excuse about "not being able" to care for it. Actually, taken literally that might have been true. So instead of seeing it injected with poison and killed, my then-future-wife adopted the cat-brother. Now she had two cats, which for a single woman in her twenties is borderline crazy-cat-lady territory. I married her anyway (shut up). For years, her cats have been OUR cats.

    So, the thing is, cats shit in a box in the house. IN THE HOUSE. I went into this with eyes open, so I can't feign ignorance. I can, however, complain endlessly.

    There is no keeping up with these poop factories. They leave it uncovered for some godforsaken reason. There is nowhere in the house where the box can be placed such that the stink doesn't seep into other rooms. The basement has finished space these days, so even putting the box down there is no help. My wife, go-getter that she is, has tried basically everything to cut down on the effects of the cat crap. But the fundamental problem is, they cut their turds within the confines of the house instead of, I dunno, crapping in some cat equivalent of the Space Shuttle toilet. I'm goddamned sick and tired of cleaning animal shit out of a box every single day, just to keep some section of the house from smelling like Philadelphia.

    There is only one reason why these cats are still here: both of them have the personalities and dispositions of dogs. They don't do the normal I'm-a-pointless-cat-and-fuck-you thing. So they're actually worth having around... except for this poop-box thing which is rapidly raising my felicidal ire.

    Rather than dressing up as a pound employee for Halloween and injecting them with poison, I'm trying to not murder them. Advice is most welcome.

    "I don't like litter boxes."

    PostCompactor

  • When my gf moved in, she decided the catbox was perfect in the office. My office.

    I told her that if I smelled it at all it and the cat would go outside. She bought this really nice wooden cat box house type thing (250 for cat box furniture?) and she cleans the box every day religiously. Surprisingly it doesn't stink up my office. At least any more than I do.

    Those electric boxes don't really work unless you put it in a place in a place where you don't mind stink. It just extends the number of day you don't have to scoop the litter.

    CuseTerp ●

  • mrjah said...

    Upvote for correct description of the Philadelphia scent.

    PredaTerp

  • A burlap sack and the Chesapeake should solve your problems, btw.

    PredaTerp

  • PostCompactor said...

    "I don't like litter boxes."

    What was it like to wait two months for the perfect opportunity, only to blow it with an inaccurate summary? headslap

    mrjah

  • u can probably find a pussy lover on craigslist.

    meirslooth

  • You know what is worse than a smelly litter box? The people with dogs who don't clean up their dog's shit out of their yard. I could see it if you live out in the sticks and have a gigantic yard where the dogs just pretty much run free. But if you're out in the suburb and you have your 1/2 acre backyard, how can you tolerate having dog shit all over the place?

    neal990 ●

  • Do they make odor resistant pet diapers like they have for monkeys?

    Alternatively....

    (you'll have one less mouth to feed)

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by Turtle on 10/24/2011 at 10:56 PM

    attachment

    Turtle

  • SATerp said...

    I know a certain guy that was working for a swimming pool supply company one summer, that had the contract for all those crappy ghetto summer pools in PG County. He and his driver were sitting in the cab of their truck one really rainy day in Lakeland, smoking dope and getting pretty fucked up, when this old lady comes running up to them screaming that she'd run over a bunch of kittens. The two guys look at each other and go 'Ohh, fuck,' and get out and finish off the little mashed up kittens that the old lady hadn't quite killed.

    True story. I KNOW it's a true story. :(

    What?! Why on Earth did you get involved? As for the OP, sounds like you should stop being such a pussy and talk to your wife.

    I got the shotgun. You got the briefcase. It's all in the game though, right?

    Omar Little

  • Omar Little said...

    What?! Why on Earth did you get involved? As for the OP, sounds like you should stop being such a pussy and talk to your wife.

    I dunno, when you're asked to do something by an old black lady, your first impulse is to help out, I guess.

    SATerp

  • Cats are so loose butthole

    7erps ●

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