Off-Topic

Dare I ask, what happened to chewbacca?

I shit my pants right before a fantasy football draft about 10 years ago. It was at my friend's apartment down in Rockville. Three of us went out the night before and hit a bunch of bars in DC and stayed out pretty late. The draft was the following morning. The league consisted of just about all of my close friends from college.

So we're getting ready for the draft the next morning (BBQ, drinks, etc), when I feel, what i thought was a wicked hangover/beer fart building up. I went out to my friend's porch to let it out. The fart comes out, along with a cup 'o liquid shit that escaped before I could clench. I looked over my shoulder at the back of my tan shorts and there was a pretty obvious brown stain.

A wave of panic came over me. In 10 minutes, essentially all of my close male friends were going to arrive. I thought about telling my friend in the hopes I could borrow (have) a pair of his shorts. But even if he didn't tell my other friends, he would surely tell his girlfriend, who was friends with the girlfriends/wives of all my friends, who would then tell my friends.

No that wouldn't do.

I had visions of all of us hanging out when we were old men. We would be discussing politics or whatever, then someone would inevitably say "Hey, remember when you SHIT YOUR PANTS AT THE FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT???!!!?" I was facing a lifetime of ball busting.

So I yelled "I'm going on a beer run!" and ran to my car. Never mind we had 3 or 4 cases of beer already. Luckily there was a mall about a mile away. It was still early, so it was relatively empty. I went into the Gap, bought a pack of underwear and some similar shorts. I changed in the mall bathroom and threw my soiled shorts and underwear in the garbage. Then I swung past the liquor store on the way back to pick up yet another case of beer. No one ever found out. I felt like a fucking secret agent.