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TL;DR - I am avoiding having sex with a girl because I still have feelings for the succubus.
I have just spent an inordinate amount of time and energy and have involved no less than three other people crafting a lie so that I don't have to have birthday sex with a chick I told I would last night.
I gave a brief rundown of the beginning of this story in the Randomness thread. Basically, I finally scored five months after the succubus broke up with me. I had done pretty good with the ex. I had put her in the friend-zone, and I was getting out there and had gotten a bunch of digits, had finally figured out decent text game, and was basically moving on with my life. I'm pretty sure she still had feelings for me, as she came to my family's Thanksgiving celebration (she would have been alone, otherwise). Anyway, things were going fairly good.
Then, I took this one girl on a date (we had kind of hung out with some mutual friends before). About an hour into the date, we came back to my house and banged. She was kind of weird, though...she would only do it in the complete dark. I think she may be a former fatty, too, since her skin felt a bit loose. Worst of all, though, was that she made crying sounds during sex, and it really kind of freaked me out. I get done and fall asleep (figuring she would let herself out). She was still there in the morning, but I gave the old "asleep fart" and she hustled out without having what would have been a very awkward conversation. However, she did a leave-behind and left her jacket.
Well, I got up feeling a weird mix of emotions and figured a drink would help clear my head. My ex called and we decided to hang out at a bar downtown. Fast forward 14 hours, and we are making out on her couch (the first physical contact we've had since the breakup), and she whispers that we need to be careful and take it slow, as she is starting to pull down my pants. I sober up, and, having just watched the "we were on a break!" episode of friends a few days before, blurt out that before we go any farther, she should know that I slept with someone else. Everything comes to a screeching halt, and I end up sleeping on her couch.
However, the damage was done. I let her out of the friend-zone, and I'm pretty sure she put me into the "never touch again" zone. Now, I'm totally besotted with her again, and she is doing her best to forget I meant anything to her (I just received a box of my stuff).
Fast forward a week and a half...in an effort to reclaim my former objective view on our relationship, I figured it would be good to get out and hang out with the aforementioned group of mutual friends. Well, of course the new chick that I banged has gotten herself DEEP into the group in the meantime, so I felt very periphery. But alcohol solves that and soon I'm chatting with the girl again. She wants to know why I didn't text her much after our whole thing, and I feed her some bs about wanting to take it slow, just got out of a relationship, still have feelings for the ex, just want to be single, etc. She says she really wants to not lose contact with me, and I say, okay, but we need to pump the brakes a bit while I figure out what is going on. She says that is fine, just as long as I make one promise. I say, sure, anything...she says that tomorrow (that is today) is her birthday and we have to have birthday sex. Well, okay.
Today, about 4pm the ex texts me. Apparently she got an invite to the girl's birthday event. Then, after doing some piecing together of things she knew, she figured out that this was the chick I slept with. At this point, I realize that I need to bail, so I start calling and texting some friends and develop a big lie that has me out of town and the new chick and most of our mutual friends thinking it is legit, independently.
So...the question is, how gay is this? I mean, I'm actively trying to not have sex with a girl...that can't be straight.
Mitigating factors: the new chick is legit crazy, I'm starting to discover...like she saw me check out a bartender last night and got super jealous, and after I kiss her she gives me big dewey "man of my dreams" eyes....which I think scare me more than ANYTHING I've ever seen.
Aggravating factors: the real reason that I'm not going out tonight is because I know my ex is pms-ing, and I thought, "how would I feel if I knew she was going to the birthday party of a dude that she had just started sleeping with?" I realized that I would be livid, and I don't want to make her feel like that.
You are a moron for telling the ex you slept with another girl, and you are a pussy for not nailing the crazy chick again. Thats all.
Since you apparently don't have any r/t friends who are there to punch you and tell you to snap out of it, and since your suckboard friends can't climb through the internet to punch you and tell you to snap out of it, please yourself and snap out of it.
You literally did everything wrong.
Let's be fair -- he could have called his ex the first night to get permission to have sex with someone else, and he didn't do that -- so he only screwed up 987 ways, not 988.
because it's a trolljob
Double this. Jackass.
I didn't read it, but I'm just going to assume you N.C. Stated it up.
"And I try to har-mo-nize with songs the lonesome sparrow sings...
There are no kings inside the Gates of Eden."
You need to move, man. Just move away from both of them. You totally screwed this up. Join the Peace Corps and go to South America for a few years. You can re-invent yourself then because with the kind of game you just displayed you definitely need re-invented. This isn't the Leafy we all expect you to be. So buck up, son. hehehe!!!
I'm surprised he didn't go to Debbie Yow for advice.
Head west, look for a chick named Annette. Everything will be fine after that.
Leafee pretty much admitted that the previous succubus thread was something like 10% real & 90% troll, I have great skepticism about this.
the easiest solution if you were still interested in your ex would have been to go to the party, Make out like a 15 year old with the Crazy girl. Make the ex extremely jealous, Profit from the aftermath.
Pic Sigs are for losers.
Even better, make out WITH a 15 year old
Are we gonna gloss over the "girl made crying noises" thing? I can tell by your demeanor you don't have a thunderdong, so what the hell?
There are obviously not enough girls in this equation.
This post gets the JDawg seal of approval
"Maryland football: Where everybody gets hurt and the starting left tackle has an existential crisis."
This post was edited by PKP 313 16 months ago
Leafee is basically a crazy horse chick.
This can't be real.
If you had any real friends that loved you, they'd have killed you by now. It would be for the best.
What would George Costanza do...
Steve Buckhantz calls the Michael Ruffin screw up of the century.
I'm still thinking he's trolling. No one fucks everything up this bad and the language/word usage just blew me away. No one is this terrible.
Yeah, I mean its the obvious joke that "he went to NC State," but really-- he did go to NC State. For most that's rock bottom, but Leafee decided he needed more.
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