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U14 soccer deliemma.

  • I have serious trouble believing that a rec league is going to require a player registration card like any travel league would. Without knowing for sure, I would bet there's nothing really stopping your kid from playing for the travel team other than some made up regulations that have no real standing.

    And like jdillon said, absolutely have her practice with the better team. For games, have her show up and do whatever the hell she wants when she's in the game, she's supposed to be guaranteed half the game. I'd even bring a stopwatch and time out her PT to make an obnoxious point.

  • strOterp

    Maybe try a different sport?

  • MisterSmiley

    Secretly replace your daughter with a small bear. Hilarity ensues.

  • Hey JMU6375

    just guessing but the rec league games are probably on Saturday and the travel games on Sunday?

    go to all travel team practices. show up for the first 2 or 3 rec league games. build a case for the league that your rec league coach stinks and is hindering your daughter's development while going to all travel league games.

  • I'd have another conversation with the league president and say everything you have said here, and withdraw her if he doesn't comply. Ridiculous.

  • I somewhat agree. Usually the 1a reason why players are registered from the club perspective, is for medical insurance (for injuries, accidents, etc.) I would guess in this situation, the registration wouldn't be needed since the local park and rec would be covering them.

    Although, how could she not be registered and be able to fall under this "non recruiting" rule? Thats what doesn't make sense to me.

    The fact that she can practice with the travel team is also puzzling. The whole point of having the recruiting rule is for clubs to keep exclusivity of their players. Why create the rule if they can practice with whomever they want? I'm struggling to figure out this part.

    This post was edited by Soundsnice 23 months ago

  • Forgive me, but this is what happens when you take away option B: beat the shit out of the rec coach.

    Can you imagine something like this going down in the 1950s? Some sandlot baseball team won't let a parent's kid play for the city league because of a "regulation" on children's sports? Seriously?

    Fucking fisticuffs.

    You either A) go to practice, calmly ask the rec coach if he would like to excuse himself to the parking lot to engage in fisticuffs, and if he declines, B) beat the shit out of the rec coach in front of the whole team at the first full game.

    Be sure to have an American flag to lay over the sack of shit when you're finished with him.


  • I agree with this. You're in the right here and the league president has already set a precedent on this situation.

  • Have your daughter imply that the rec coach is a pedophile.

    This dude is a complete fucking dickbag and has lost all perspective of what the fuck he is doing. Rec league, sure the players care but the results don't fucking matter. I usually would not recommend unleashing teh sueque (oral) on anyone, but this guy deserves it.

    As for what you should actually do. Attend all of the travel practices because this will ultimately be better for your daughter's development. Rec games mean nothing, especially if you want to play HS soccer. Tell the other parents that this guy is threatening to ruin your daughters playing experience because she does not want to play for him anymore, also imply that he is a pedophile.

  • Although I wholeheartedly agree with the OPs position in this issue, I don't think most people here are understanding that are very big and valid reasons why some sports or states have such restrictions.

    Mainly parents threatening coaches that their players will leave. I want my kid at striker... or else we're leaving. I want my kid to play 100 percent of the time... or we're going to this club. Why did you make my kid run? You're so unfair... we're leaving.

    It's the opposite end of an equally ugly and unfair system.

    I could talk for days about it, but in the end however you slice it, the kids must come first.

  • would bet my draws and licence this was a jdillion thread til i saw it was 14 yr old boys and not girls.

  • Def have her practice with the travel team. It will be so much better for her in the long run esp for HS soccer.

  • It is girls, dumbass.

    Easy on the KG.

  • fuzzy510

    If the coach of the travel team is happy to have her practice even if she's not playing on the field, definitely have her practice with the travel team.

    As far as actually playing is concerned, I'd leave it up to her. If she's content just practicing (basically just treating it like it was a redshirt year), then so be it. Otherwise, let her play for the rec team, and if the coach decides to be a dick about it, let her quit when she wants to quit. It seems pretty clear that playing for the travel team isn't going to be an option without a lot of unnecessary heartbreak, so just do whatever makes her the happiest. You don't want her to burn out from this experience.

  • please make sure you ask your daughter what she wants before doing anything like pulling her from the league or sending her to the travel practices if it truly means she can't play, even on the rec team. It sounds like she's pretty bummed playing for the rec team for a number of reasons, but I can't imagine not playing at all is necessarily a better alternative, especially for a 14-year old.

    If she's OK not playing while waiting for spring ball, then by all means douche it up and get the coach back; it sounds like he definitely deserves it. But don't burn any bridges your daughter may want to return across.

  • I have contacted the league president on 3 occasions and have received 3 stories as to why my daughter has been denied transfer. 1st she(I think this is part of the problem) said it was a result of a no recruitment rule. I pointed out that I personally know of 3 kids who are making the move this season from rec to travel. The next time I talked to her she said it was because the travel roster was full, something the travel coach says is not true (currently 16). When I called the pes out on this fact she said it is because leaving the rec team would leave the travel team short. Here is the last e-mail I sent and her response.

    I got a message from Tanya(travel coach) last night and was informed that Heather will not be considered for travel soccer, a decision I don't understand but accept and I'm ready to move forward. I will say that I don't appreciate being lied to about the reason for this decision (full roster) as I expect a higher standard from someone in your position. Also that fact that this policy is being selectively enforced I find troubling but like I said I've got no choice but to move forward. Have a great season.

    her response

    First, the email did not reach Enda, as you sent it to the PYSL email address, which I answer.

    Second, I was informed the roster was full and she would be considered for travel as a guest player only. I apologize for any misunderstanding.

    Also, Heather missed the travel try-out dates. Allowing kids to move from one group/division to another is at the *YSL's discretion. Some children were able to move as there were plenty of players within that age group and a waiting list to fill their vacant spot. There was not and is not a waiting list for the U14 age group, unfortunately.

    We live in SW Va. and logistically moving her to another club would be painful considering the commute to practice especially for a dead beat dad like myself.

    This post has been edited 3 times, most recently by hokthu 23 months ago

  • Does your daughter have friends on the travel team? What about the rec team? Tell the league president that you are in a carpool (and that's the only way to get her to practice and games) and her friends/carpool play on the travel team.

    Regardless, before doing anything stupid (like pulling her mid way thru the game or not have her play) see what she wants to do. If you pull her in the middle of the game because of lack of playing time you are sending her an absolute horrible message plus probably embarrassing her to the nth degree.

  • My daughter is friends with 1/2 of the girls on the travel team. And you are right, it would be better to no show than pull her during a game due to the embarrassment factor. But knowing my daughter, if he does not play her she is not going to want to participate.

  • The cause of the problem has been found. Yao caliber athletics management.

  • It looks like you have done all you can under the circumstances. Have you considered asking your daughter to make the best of this situation? She may turn out to be the best player on the rec team instead of the last player on the travel team. If the coach wants to win and your daughter shows her superior talent along with a good attitude she should see plenty of playing time. Quitting after all the years she has already put in should not be considered.

  • I have considerable experience and perspective on this having past played my nearly entire school age in the NCSL and then coaching/parenting and administrating for 10+ years for my kids from rec to the highest classic levels. The politics you have observed does not even scratch the surface of why USA's best athletes spurn soccer and most kids quit by age 12. I'm surprised your daughter was considered for the select team b/c generally tryouts for Fall playing clubs are in the spring and most leagues are bound by bylaws to roster by specific dates- which has elapsed already for most clubs. I really havent ever observed a rec coach holding a player hostage or having any rights or input on a player to choose a competitive option when that select team is open to receive them. To answer others- yes, most soccer leagues have common administrators over several levels of play- rec to select which are under one banner, per se. Its not unusual for squabbling over players between select teams within different age groups or A vs B teams in the same league but rec level is for enjoyment and leisure and your description of the rec coach's prerogative is ridiculous and malicious.

    Your options- I dont know where you live. Assuming you are in the MD/VA area you will find abundant rec league alternatives to sign up for and start fresh. I would expect at least a few to be accomodating to a late arrival since most teams at your daughters age are wanting for players- hence why your kid was placed on a team within a broad age cohort. Your league should have a "DOC" or director of coaching that is the ultimate guy in charge and if it was me I would request a meeting and explain the situation and request you be placed on a different rec team within your league as you have had fallout with this coach which will sour your child's experience. This also will plant a seed of concern about this coach to the DOC so that future complaints will more likely be taken seriously if he is a bad guy to prevent him from screwing with other kids.

    I have experienced kids who take the option of training among a select team without being a rostered player- except in rare cases this doesnt go well b/c the kid wants to play- the drills and practice are a means not the end and their interest wanes rapidly. It will also be awkard with her friends when she practices but cant play and girls that age especially can be brutal and assign your daughter a second-class citizen status on and off the field extending into school and personal life.

    On a personal note, My son was in a kind-of similar deal. He was an elite kid playing up and when a new team in his true age group formed under them our league forced him down into it despite it being a completely inapropriate level for him and being displaced from the close friends he had made on his orig team. This team and the whole level of play was LOL bad. It was a life lesson for both of us and we accepted it and made the most of it. His confidence and determination exploded b/c he was hero status on that team and one of the bystander parents from that team years later eventually was picked as my son's school Varsity coach who remember him well and picked him as a freshman. So you can talk to your daughter and do similar and play the Gary chip on your shoulder and motivate her to excel on the douche coach team to prove a point. Im sorry you've gone through this I feel your aggravation.

    HS girls usually tryout in the Fall and play formally in the spring so definitely look into that to plan ahead.

  • Kunu, I don't know how you are a 2 star poster, that was great.

  • As it stands the plan forward is to practice with the rec team for half of the practice, cut out and make the entire travel practice then wait and see how much the coach plays her come game time. As long as she gets to play 1/2 the game, we can live with it. Also, the travel coach has given her the ok to play in their tournement games as a guest player, she is only ommited from league play.

  • Have all of your contacts been emails? I said call him, not email him. This is past email resolution.

  • groove_jones

    I have a ton of thoughts on this situation and some other stuff that has been said in this thread, probably won't get into everything but I try to make a few points. I have three kids playing sports in various clubs/rec leagues/travel teams in soccer basketball and lacrosse. I have been involved as a coach and "commissioner" for 7 or 8 years. I coach a girls travel soccer team right now in MD. I'm also on my rec. councils board, because I have experienced stuff like this and I want to make sure I'm in on decisions that are being made at the rec level.

    Suffice it to say that this kind of stuff happens in every league in every sport - and it sucks but there is no way to completely remove it because some people are just self-interested assholes. They say they are in it for the kids but they aren't. This coach is obviously a douchebag. There should be no reason why she couldn't play on both teams. The fact that she has to play with 6th graders is kind of ridiculous - but I'm guessing you live in a rural area and they need to span multiple ages - 6th to 9th is a huge difference though. Sometimes though you just have to make your feelings known, go with it and make the best of it, and now you know how it works so hopefully next time you'll be more informed to make the right decisions.

    I feel for you though because you are just trying to put your daughter in the best position for her and when it doesn't work out it is very frustrating.

    Quick comment about soccer, at least in MD. It has changed a lot in the last several years and it will change a lot in years to come, for a number of reasons. One thing is the emergence of more and more "clubs". These clubs aren't affiliated with rec. councils. A lot of them are started to make money. The highest level clubs prevent their kids from playing any other sports at all, or any other teams at all, including high school. That's right, if you are certain clubs, you are not allowed to play for your high school team. Although I know a lot of connected soccer people that think public school high school soccer is pretty much garbage.

    I know four girls that are 12, that tried out for a well know club in the Baltimore/Harford County area. Three of them made the elite team, but were told they couldn't play any other sport - at 12 years old. Only one was willing to give up everything else. The other two were put on the "B" team or whatever they call it.

    So after all of this ranting, the bottom line is for a lot of people, it isn't about the kids anymore, and that is a damn shame. You can either grab your ankles and take it, or do your best to try to have some input in the process, by coaching, or volunteering in some manner, in the very least you are more in the know about what is going on and why.

    kickin' the tires