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Seen a few of you around here make reference to this (tiffles especially) and found this NY Times on the subject interesting. I'll snip some key points for those who don't want to RTFA:
. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called “hookup culture,” millennials — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship.
Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone, they rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts, instant messages and other “non-dates” that are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend.
“The new date is ‘hanging out,’ ” said Denise Hewett, 24, an associate television producer in Manhattan, who is currently developing a show about this frustrating new romantic landscape. As one male friend recently told her: “I don’t like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I’m doing — going to an event, a concert.”
Traditional courtship — picking up the telephone and asking someone on a date — required courage, strategic planning and a considerable investment of ego (by telephone, rejection stings). Not so with texting, e-mail, Twitter or other forms of “asynchronous communication,” as techies call it. In the context of dating, it removes much of the need for charm; it’s more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble.
“I’ve seen men put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a woman out,” said Anna Goldfarb, 34, an author and blogger in Moorestown, N.J. A typical, annoying query is the last-minute: “Is anything fun going on tonight?” More annoying still are the men who simply ping, “Hey” or “ ’sup.”
“What does he think I’m doing?” she said. “I’m going to my friend’s house to drink cheap white wine and watch episodes of ‘Dance Moms’ on demand.”
Online dating services, which have gained mainstream acceptance, reinforce the hyper-casual approach by greatly expanding the number of potential dates. Faced with a never-ending stream of singles to choose from, many feel a sense of “FOMO” (fear of missing out), so they opt for a speed-dating approach — cycle through lots of suitors quickly.
That also means that suitors need to keep dates cheap and casual. A fancy dinner? You’re lucky to get a drink.
There's a lot more in the article, but those are really the basic points. What are you guys (and girls) doing to meet and woo people these days? My go-to move lately is to get set up by mutual friends or meet someone from an online dating site IRL for coffee or dinner or whatever, chat amiably for a little while, have them think I'm a nice guy, and then never see them again, which is really working out great!
Millennials are stuck navigating a new romantic landscape in the age of technology and the hookup.
If I were single, I'd go the mutual friends route before on-line dating.
I'm shocked millennials aren't good at traditional courtship.
This post was edited by CuseTerp 18 months ago
I'd totally do on-line dating.
I would too, but if I were to court someone, I'd prefer she already be screened out by some friends.
i think i would too. To much involved with online dating and my luck i would end up on catfish or find a person that i liked and they would live in South Dakota and not want to move.
Yeah, but I don't have any friends so I'd just go straight to the Internet.
If dating is so dead for my generation, how come I've had a hot girlfriend in Hawaii for 3 years?
"And I try to har-mo-nize with songs the lonesome sparrow sings...
There are no kings inside the Gates of Eden."
On-line 'bating > On-line dating
I think this overstates things a little bit. Yes, "courtship" has gotten more casual with texting and online messaging. But I don't know anybody whose first "date" would be a last minute text to come meet up at a bar with friends. Some people I know will engage in very casual relationships where they pretty much just text each other to meet up at bars and then bang, but that's all they want out of it. If they want a "real" relationship or dating experience, then yes, they still go on "dates." So I think that aspect of that piece is full of it.
The "first date" in my experience has definitely become more casual. Like aschafe said it is usually meeting her somewhere for a few drinks/dinner/appetizers, often on a weeknight. I hardly think that signals the end of courtship or dating because I'm not riding up to her house on my horse or whatever it is the author thinks I should be doing.
I would love to see Smileys online dating profile.
I'd probably go a combo route between online dating and mutual friends. I do agree that the dating world has totally changed with our generation. It's much more casual and more about meeting up for happy hour with a big group than two people going to dinner and the movies or some other formal outing.
I think I might start online dating at some point. The getting wasted and hoping for the best method is producing diminishing returns in the caliber of girl it turns up.
How hard could it be to date? Just be interesting and somewhat attractive, and take her to Looney's. They have Happy Hour until 7, and all the best drinks and appetizers are like half off.
I'm sure that's real tough!
The meeting up for drinks on a weeknight thing hasn't really worked for me, so I'm trying to figure out what the new market inefficiency is since everyone seems to be doing that now. Maybe it's a more traditional date, or maybe it's something like meeting up at a museum or the Mall or some other kind of event or attraction. We need to figure out the dating equivalent of OBP here.
I also think that "hook up culture" has been blamed for the demise of dating/society for at least 40 years
Yeah I agree with this. I think you have to know your audience. I've tried to spring the "let's go to this cool event so you can see that I have interests" thing and I've gotten reactions where I get the sense that they think I'm trying way too hard. But other times the "let's grab drinks on wednesday" has gotten a response like I should be trying harder. Some girls still want to be wined and dined, others I think do prefer the casual conversation over happy hour to feel you out first thing. The trouble is figuring it out.
I feel like I might have better results in the "meet and feel you out" situations if I were more interesting. But it's hard to get more interesting. I don't do that many interesting things because I don't have anyone to do them with, and I don't have anyone to do stuff with because I never do anything.
As a sidenote, I wish white people could use twitter as a dating tool; I'm way more interesting and funny on twitter than IRL.
This post was edited by aschaefe 18 months ago
Yeah, at this point there isn't really much that I enjoy doing that would appeal to any woman who was even remotely normal.
Just harass your employee until they will go out with you. Then take them to McDonalds. Works 100% of the time.
Is dating dead?
[MantiTeoTerp] Yes, yes it is. [/MantiTeoTerp]
This is going to sound terrible, especially since I lean left politically, but this just sounds like more bitching from females who want everything to be equal but still want men to foot the bill for everything, along with taking all the initiative.
This post was edited by GunnerOne 84 18 months ago
Did it ever really exist?
I suggest finding someone to bankroll a really fancy dinner, then do what you can to prevent a stalker from tracking down your date.
I got off easy, I was only g-chatted.
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