Off-Topic

U/V for the use of "Pirate Booty"

I hate it when anybody (not just my S/O) buys me clothes/hats. There is a 95% chance that I'm never going to wear it.

GF once got me a white/black horizontal striped t-shirt with two breast pockets with white buttons. I am not a small man, so horizontal stripes are my mortal Rangoon, the shirt looked awful, but because she bought it she tried to justify it. I lost the shirt a few days later after not having worn it.

I also hate when people buy me hats and jeans - both are crucial to try on yourself before purchase.

So, my wife is a huge horror movie fan-- I mean, there's no horror movie that is too awful for her to watch. She will watch the horrible SciFi channel movies over and over. She also loves the heck out of some zombies.

She loves the heck out of our son, but isn't even remotely over-maternal or sentimental about shit. She also has no real other interests so its hard to think up gift ideas for her. So, I figured I'd do something one-of-a-kind and get a custom zombie portrait of mini-me for her birthday. I mean, I get how most mothers would kind of cringe at the thought of their kid decomposing and stuff and not really want a picture to make them think about that, but I guess for some reason I figured that combining two of her favorite things (zombies and mini-me) would work out well as a gift.

Yeah, not so much.

She appreciated the thought/effort that went into it and agreed that it was the kind of thing that she would have thought she would like, but we had to immediately put it away and I'm pretty sure that after a couple of months she threw it out. It's kind of a shame, it was really cool. Maybe I'll try again with a picture of myself, I'm pretty sure she's not going to get all emotional about seeing me zombified.

My ex got me a Patrick Ramsey jersey back when he was backing up Brunell.

It may have been a horrible gift, but at least it got you an upvote from the suqueboard.

That's worse then I imagined it being

My wife gets me awesome Christmas gifts, pretty much home run gifts every year. Then my birthday rolls around in July, and she goes full 180 retard mode and gets me something awful. It's like she can only be a thoughtful gift giver during the holidays and treats my birthday like the preseason or something. Should I stop pretending I like these birthday gifts?

My ex once mentioned something about getting jewelry for me, and I told her to never ever under any circumstances get me any kind of jewelry because I'd never wear it.

So of course, she bought me a ring. I guess saying, "Whatever you do, don't buy me this" wasn't clear enough.

Then she bought me a gold ID bracelet with my bbs screen name engraved on it (this was the mid '90s). Plus my screen name was "Id", so she actually expected me to wear an ID bracelet that said "ID" on it. It's pretty hard to think up a gift that could be any worse.

Chat rooms from back when a 2400 baud modem was fast. And yes, it is.

tebow fucking christ. that is some next level nerdy shit right there brah. ZNATE DOES NOT APPROVE.

Which is why the post began with "My ex..."

Is she not giving you anything at all, or is it just that the big gift is going to show up later? I mean, sometimes things get shipped late, don't show up on time, or aren't available for whatever reason on the day of, and that's cool. My big bday gift this year was Watch the Throne tickets, and that show was two months after my birthday. But at minimum the SO should be giving or doing something thoughtful on your bday - like my girl took me to dinner and gave me a copy of Decoded to signify that the tix were the big gift.

Women care about birthdays, a lot more than most dudes do. If one doesn't make a big deal about yours, they probably aren't very into you.